Whenever I have to navigate a difficult conversation or work my way through a conflict, this is the #1 tool I turn to. It is the 20% of my effort that makes 80% of the difference.

1) I hear you: you're thinking/feeling ____ because ____. Did I get that right?

2) I have a different perspective. Are you open to hearing it?

and/or

2) I have a different need. Are you open to hearing it?

The word DIFFERENT is magical. The words we choose are SO important, they determine the lens we're going to see things through.

DIFFERENT reminds us that we're not in the territory of right vs wrong, either vs or, or even agree vs disagree. We're communicating between two equally subjective, yet equally valid realities.

Also, when someone gets that you understand them (the way they understand themselves), they become a lot more open to hearing you out in return - thus the brief reflection at the beginning.

And lastly, asking for consent before you launch into your experience, giving them a chance to agree to it, is likely to also make them a great deal more open to whatever you have to say.