Level 1 - Ritual
These are highly scripted exchanges like, “Hello! How are you?” “I’m doing great, thanks! How are you?” “Also doing great, thank you.” There’s nothing inherently wrong with these kinds of communications; they allow us to acknowledge one another and exchange goodwill. But they do not allow for a deeper experience of connection or communication.
Level 2 - Exchange
On Level 2, we exchange things like ideas, stories, information, perspectives, opinions, facts, and so on. Some of what we exchange can be completely non-personal, and therefore more utilitarian or pragmatic. And some of it can be deeply personal and vulnerable, therefore allowing a deeper level of contact and connection.
(When the information being exchanged is highly personal and vulnerable, creating an opening for deeper intimacy, I sometimes call it “Level 2.5 Communication.” This is because it allows for a great deal more connection than the utilitarian or pragmatic exchanges that are also part of Level 2, but it is still a small step removed from intimacy.)
Level 2 (and 2.5) are still a step away from intimacy, so to speak, because there is a “third party” involved: the information that is being exchanged. Even if you are telling me a very personal and vulnerable story from your history, in order to understand what you’re saying, I have to go up into my mind and create an internal representation of the past you that you are describing. This is the only way that we “understand” anything at all. This splits my attention between the you of the here and now, and the image of the past you that I am creating in my mind. Your words direct part of me to another time and another place, which means that I am not fully present with you in the present moment.
Level 3 - Depth
When we get to Level 3, we are still exchanging words, but those words only refer to what is happening in the here and now. This means that when you speak, I don’t have to split my attention between two different times, two different places, and two different people. My mind and body can be wholly united, which means that I can be fully present to you with all of my attention and all of my energy. This brings all of me into complete, total contact and connection with you, which is the deepest form of verbal, emotional intimacy we can experience.
T-Group is essentially a practice of Level 3 Communication; we want to be on Level 3 as much as possible. Watch out for Level 2.5 Communication. It can seem like you're being in the here and now when you're sharing stories of yourself - and that's because it feels vulnerable and present to *you* but it does not feel that same way to others. To them, it is still storytelling that splits their attention.
